June 11, 2008
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The Pro-Scientology Post that Should Totally Be Featured on Xanga
I think that Xanga has been very unfair to many religions, especially mine, which is Scientology. I think this conspiracy has gone on long enough against my faith.
Guess what the "s" stands for.
The other day, something completely relevant to this blog occurred. I blogged about it and thought that blog was worthy of being featured. In fact, I deserve it. Let me give a highly-organized list of why Xanga owes me.
1 - I contributed a tiny amount of money to the webpage.
2 - Xanga features a lot of Christian posts. My religion is official because Tom Cruise believes in it, and therefore, Xanga needs to kiss my ass.
3 - I'm better than everyone ever.
4 - I'm an underdog, therefore, I deserve respect.
5 - Nacho cheese!
Let me explain how my religion works: first, like all other religions, it's based mostly on blind allegiance to some guy who claims to have been enlightened to some profound truth. We believe that the souls of dead aliens were dumped into a volcano in Hawaii, and these souls live on, inhabiting humans and causing them to act intelligently. The souls were dumped here by the Evil Lord Xenuhort, who looks like squid with the face of a grizzly bear. He still lives on to this day ruling the Zabuda Galaxy in the Gamma sector.
Inside of each human lives Thetans, which are souls. The more thetanness you have in your body, the more in touch with the universe you will be. L. Ron Hubbard, the legendary founder of Scientology, had an unusually high Thetan level. This allowed him to close his eyes and make up discover the principals of Scientology. Then he died.
Luckily, to measure people's Thetan levels, we have this:
And using this piece of REAL scientific equipment, we can help you solve all your problems. Also, eventually, someone will receive the Thetan of L. Ron Hubbard, and that person could be you. You will probably know you're L. Ron Hubbard if the people measuring your Thetan levels have the following conversation:
...and they begin yelling at each other, twitching their eyes and break the Thetan-measuring-device.
Comments (98)
FIRST
WHAT NINE THOUSAND!!!?!?
...first.
The S stands for "Super!"
THIRD BITCHES! short sweet everything i dreamed of!
FUCK A DUCK
no it stands for saibamen
ummmm how many Thetans does Tom Cruise has?xD
I learned all I needed to know about scientology from South Park =P
Xenu's coming round the mountain, here he comes....
Haha. I just KNEW you'd find a way to put "over nine thousaaaaannnnnnd" into blog form.
TENTH BITCHES!!!!
(and I have OVER 20,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
but srsly
scientology?
no.
WHAT!? NINE THOUSAND!?!?
LOL. Scientology blows, and does more harm than good.
well
im chrsitan
but you can believe in whatever religion you can
its kinda funny and interesting though
with the aliens blah blah blah
Anonymous does not forgive, Anonymous does not forget.
But my mitocloridian count is way higher than yours. Nyah-nyah!!
I'M A THETAN WHORE!!! :O
That's an awesome logo... it inspires faith in me.
But wait, would L. Ron Hubbard's Thetan inhabit my body before or after I convert? Because I don't want to waste my money if there's no chance of being the second coming.
Nice logo...care to enter my logo contest for my site?
hmmm...ok...
in regards to the rest... I laughed so hard, I'll send you the doctor's bill for my broken ribs....(send me some nacho cheese, please...I'm out)
lol - that was cute - scary but cute
So... where do I sign up, and who do I pay? <>
S stands for Super Star. Anonymous has told me to beware of Scientology, but I still read this post. I don't know much about this "religion" except for what I have read in this post.
hmmm scientology, =/ eh aliens....
Hahahhaahhahahahaa
I totally agree with your opinion of religions.
hahaahhahahahah love how this starts out somewhat serious in tone and ends with a >9000 joke
you know you're a xangaleb when someone comments "first" like a TOTAL DIPSHIT IDIOT!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
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(damn! why dont people ever comment me with "first"?)
Heehee. Scientology. (The S stands for saliva)
You're going to hell.
AHAHAHA that was like every episode of the early DBZ. XD They were total scientologists.
I was passing through Washington DC one time and decided to stop by a mall to take a break from the long drive. At the mall was a booth with a bunch of salespeople trying to sell me L. Ron's book. They liked to throw around the word "technology" a lot and, at first, attempted to confuse me into buying it by spewing out a bunch of nonsensical, pseudo-religious jargon. I sat down with a saleswoman, and I explained to her that I studied world religions in college and in my own spare time, so I was interested in what she had to say. She wanted me to measure my Thetons, but I refused. I explained to her that holding a metal tube in my hand to measure something physiological wasn't going to (and couldn't) prove anything spiritual. She tried to convince me that it wasn't meant to measure anything supernatural but that it was still essential, and I called her on that... because that's EXACTLY what the instrument is made to do according to her beliefs. I then proceeded to demoralize her by outwitting every possible argument she could throw at me. I only had reasonable expectations: that she knew more about the religion she was selling than I did and to convince me to buy the book. She failed to do either and instead just invited me to a seminar that was being held in DC the next week. By the end of the conversation, I could tell she completely hated me. That whole booth full of salespeople were no doubt cursing me when I left.
My boyfriend at the time had wandered off while I was having the heart-to-heart with this saleswoman, no doubt knowing I'd be there for a while. When he came back, I was wrapping up my well-educated rebuttal to her sales pitch. My ex-boyfriend then proceeded to explain to both of us that he could buy everything to make one of those "scientific pieces of technology" at the Radio Shack there in the mall and offered to go assemble one. He was a licensed electrical technician, so I'm sure he could've done exactly what he claimed. The saleswoman declined the offer.
It's over 9000!!!!!!!
WHAT!!!?? 9000????
Best.meme.ever!!
NO WAI!
Midichlorians?
well i have more midi-chlorians than Anakin skywalker
i love this post, by the way it is true about the religions an xanga but sadly i dont belive in god or god's or Scientology so what about us nonbelivers can we have a no god's xanga lol. But back to my vitew about xanga itis not equile in religions views but if they add every religion on here there be a spaming war on each other xnaga telling who rite and wrong as much as I like to see fire works and humans fiteing it end up probly killing the site of xanga. so i'll just egnore it an live on with my life. it just a bolg i mean there are probly bolgs out there for scientology and Buddhism and many other religions.
lol btw your not going to hell in my book haha! ^_-
Eh. Blindly following someone else's orders?
I'll think about it....
Funny.
I remember this scene too.
Hahahahha....
S = Spaceship Worshipping Nutballs
Unfortunately they're not the only "S's" around.....
hey wats up
how r u
anything new
I'm sorry...Scientology is not a religion.
In my opinion the S stands for, ahem, 'Stupid.' to put it nicely.
Don't mean to be rude, but Scientologists have just made a bad name for themselves. With all the sueing, money grabbing and general lunacy.
K.
Hail Xenu!
hahahahahaha HA!
Xanga should open a blog just for Scientologists. I would read it every f-ing day.
Say it with me now:
YATA!!!!
Let's see...the "S" stands for Supreme.
I particularly love that this Scientology was started by a science fiction writer (and man is that obvious when you look at their mythology) who was quoted as saying "if you want to make a lot of money, start a religion."
I also love that there's a cross in their Scientology logo (the one where it's spelled out, not the one with the triangles) has a cross in it (in place of the i). I actually went to the church of scientology to watch their 15 minute video (but we left before we watched it because we were too creeped out) and I heard this kid ask a scientologist why there was a cross in their logo. The guy answered that it had nothing to do with Christianity, though some scientologists are christians, but that the symbol of the cross goes back thousands of years, even before Christianity. The symbol of what? The death penalty? Is that what they're trying to say about Scientology? That scientology will beat and crucify you?
dammit i was going to post about this... but mine is just a cartoon so I can get away with it
lovely as always!
uhh..what's Nacho Cheese doing there?!
scientowhatnot. no go for me on this one.
AND THEN GOKU WILL KICK THEIR ASSES!!!.....
oh, wait... I'm thinking of DBZ. (nice pictures, btw).
hahahha XD!
Funny Dragonball Z analogy!
exhausting.
I just called the ghostbusters on your ass! You'll be theten free by tomorrow.
i only believe in psychosis!!!!
thetans must have it pretty good, that is since i never heard of them before.
The "s" stands for "shit."
Also, WELCOME TO LIKE FIVE MONTHS AGO, DON'T YOU EVER GO TO YOUTUBE?
So I thought I was going to be reading this really insightful post explaining Scientology and why it's a good religion and how it's changed their life and made them into a better person, etc, etc.
And then I saw the picture of Vegata and realized I was reading Amandasbiggestfan.
That's when the post got even better.
L. Ron Hubbard will now seek his revenge against you. His Thetan levels reach out from beyond the grave.
I would break the hell out of my scouter if the number read the same.
Then again, I wouldn't be surprised if I was over one million. Yes, then scientologists would need to worship me!
I thought my Thetan was measured in inches? Now, I'm confuseld.
But seriously... I like Hubbard's books and ideas but that's as far as this alien would go
@anth0nyc - I wonder why they don't comment ME with first. I get the same amount of comments.
When it comes down to it, nacho cheese is a good reason for everything.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBtpyeLxVkI
I will admit, Xanga shouldn't discriminate against religions, but personally I think scientology sounds a bit too ridiculous. First of all, Tom Cruise is a member, that's ridiculous enough for me right there. Also, I think you need to look into the 1934 book, Scientologie. Also, note that the book is 18 years older than the religion.
Note that I'm not trying to bash your religion, I'm just giving my my reasons why I don't think it's real. If you don't want to hear about this, just delete the comment.
OMG, you're gonna get your house picketed! Not to mention the 652 lawsuits that are going to be immediately launched against you! How can you be so foolish?
I could tell you what the "S" really stands for, but I don't need to be fighting 652 lawsuits right now. Besides, you have to be Operating Thetan Level 33 to know.
Love the post, love nacho cheese, absolutely don't love $cientology.
I give up! I can never get here first. lol
S is for Snake..or Dragon. Close it up real good at the top for his head. And then, using consummate V's, give him teeth, spinities, and angry eyebrows.
I only follow the religious principles created by one fiction writer: Kurt Vonnegut. The only true way is Bokononism.
Does it also detect the perfect amount of ranch dressing on my Cobb salad? Because I can't decide if I need two packets or three?
i'm not sure points 3 and 4 can really resolve ... either one is true or neither are true
hyde hyde ho
And they don't believe in "Meds"? Come on. Someone was smoking something when they came up with their Thetan theory.
INTERNET MEMES FTW!
You are so f**king awesome, you know that?
Hah. Awesome.
OVER NINE THOUSAND AWESOMEPOINTS
@firesigns - "money grabbing" sounds like alot of churchs that do the same thing there just less discreet about it..
Thank you for explaining your religion to us
What is an average Theta level? Jw...
Keep it real!
TRANSMISSION: ****ats kittens. I repeat, this is Miramon of the Marcab Confederacy reporting to Teegeeack, Xenu eats kittens. That is all. :END TRANSMISSION
This person is seriously misinformed, firstly the E-Meter is used to measure theta power, not how many you have that's just ludacris and secondly the Thetan known as L.RON.HUBBARD has left earth and is back winning races in the Marcab Confederacy, he's NOT coming back, he hate too many of you. The S stands for SATAN and the two triangles are the fractured David's star showing that the true purpose of Scientology is to enslave the Jews. Also The current master of Scientology David Miscavage is King David of the Jews reincarnated...GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT! >:p
That has got to be a joke.
@im_a_real_girl - Theta power is usually measured at around 100, mine was 10,000 when I started and 3 million when I left but you need 80 trillion to be the new messiah.
I thought KSW was something cool like "keep saving the world", but it is very humdrum "keep scientology working". Now THAT's a slogan that will bring more people on board their spaceship en mass I'm sure. I'm packin' my shit up right now as a matter of fact. "Come on Fido we're off to keep scientology working". *whistles and skips*
Absolutely.
And may you be touched by his noodley goodness. Ramen.
You should have put a christian post into your all time best xanga posts blog...
OH shit, I'm totally converting!
Tom Cruise is a level OT 7 i believe, if no one has covered that yet. He knows all of Xenu's secrets. almost.
But... but Nori... I'M a Scientologist...
I'm so injured by this hurtful post... *sniff*
Is that your greatest goal on Xanga? To be featured? You seem to beg people to recommend on every single post, in one way or another.
You explain religion wonderfully.
@MetallMaus - OT 3 contains all the Xenu secrets there are to be had, by the time you're at OT 7 you're trying to regain old theta abilities like moving abjects with you mind and creating matter out of nothing... no joking this time, Tom Cruise thinks he can leave his body at will.
so... Thetans are like midichlorians?
vegeta rules!
@HumeTheKitch - Ohhh you know what, i knew that, it's been a while since i've been to xenu.net, thanks
i think i'm going to educate the kids on scientology at work tonight. haha
Awesome post, as usual.
s stands for screw me. this is great.
Let's see. The S stands for "Sucker"?
Comments are closed.