Imagine we lived in a world where everyone got to eat cake. This has been a dream of mine for years, but I've always been too scared to share this idea with anyone, out of fear of ridicule and rejection. I'm just going to put myself out there right now and say I have a plan for how it might be possible to give everyone in the world a cake. First, we would need a snazzy-looking logo, and slogan. I've got that covered:
Next, we need a mission statement. Here it is:
"Our goal at CakeWorld Inc., is to provide cake for everyone in the entire world at no cost. We believe it is the right of all humankind to taste the delicious, soft, warm embrace of the cake as it caresses our tongues."
Now, I know because this is Xanga, that there will be a high volume of investors who will stumble across this and be very interested in how this idea will make money. The answer is very simple: Leverage. Synergy. Kill-or-be-Killed. Excellence. These are the four pillars of CakeWorld, all of which I have tattooed on my ankle, because I believe in them so deeply. I will even tattoo these words on other parts of my body in the future probably. I might cover my whole body with these words over and over again, and scrawl them all over the walls of my house IN BLOOD. Why? Because I believe in CakeWorld. Let me show you some figures:
According to this study done by psychology students at the University of Harare, Zimbabwe, cake is one of the most desired items/entities for the human imagination to crave. This chart shows the percentile rise in interest of the fastest-growing initiatives that individuals want in the Q2 of 2013. Although the act of Fucking is still the fast-growing initiative, Cake is the most exciting prospect for 2014 and beyond, because while Fucking has markets in virtually every community in the world, the Cake market has many untapped markets that are simply salivating for a bite of the delicious substance.
You may be speculating on how this venture will yield profits for your portfolio. Well, let's examine this pie-chart:
The blue section represents us working part-time jobs to support the business, which will almost certainly go 250,000 dollars into debt within 6 weeks, due to poor planning on my part. This can be alleviated by the red section, which is where we all apply for credit cards to pay for a plethora of unexpected expenses. The purple part represents something else, but I don't remember, but use your imagination. Maybe you could sell drugs. The very small green section represents pennies we will pick up off the ground. Parking lots are filled with pennies, and I am certain that through hunting down enough loose pennies, we can pay the remaining balance, and not go into the red, albeit being in debt up to our eyeballs with no hope of ever getting out.
Our method of distribution involves hiring commercial pilots to fly large cargo planes over densely-populated areas and just dump the cakes directly down onto a broad target area. We won't be able to afford box materials, so the cakes will fall without any sort of wrapping or protection, and could crumble in mid-air, or be blown significantly off-course by high altitude winds.
In conclusion, you would have to be an absolute fool to even consider going into business with me, or supplying me with capital for this venture. I have zero business-management experience, and am hopeless in terms of social/people skills. My money-management is also historically very poor, and does not inspire much hope for my ability to spend our liquidity with any ounce of prudence. I believe this business will ultimately fail spectacularly because it is firmly grounded in an acute lack of logic, business sense, planning, and overall viability. This project, although a childhood dream of mine, which I will pursue with the utmost enthusiasm, is beyond ludicrous, and is a financial sinkhole for anyone naive enough to believe that this could be potentially profitable. Thank you, and God Bless the USA!
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