Remember me?
It's your favorite reclusive, semi-anonymous, StarCraft-addicted, porn-ruining, girl-power Xanga blogger. I didn't want to post for awhile, as sort of a Xanga de-tox program to help me think clearly without factoring Xanga into the equation, and I'm totally going to kicked out of Xanga-rehab for posting this. I am so weak, though. I couldn't help myself.
I also had to be rushed to a special terrorism shelter, because there was a major chemical attack scare in my area, and the sirens went off and everything. It turns out that someone just left the lid off of a bottle of Windex (Which brightens and shines all surfaces and cuts through the toughest grime) but that was enough to raise the State Terrorism Alert Level to Code 6, which is usually reserved for nuclear bombardment. It was pretty serious. Some guy was coughing from the fumes for like 2 minutes, which was kind of scary.
What really made me want to post was this post by Paul_Parmesancheese:
Link.
More Dan-bashing? Really?
Oh wait, I forgot how seriously people take the super-cereal business on Xanga. It's not just blogging, it's a power-struggle for the last twinkies on Earth after a zombie/nuclear apocalypse. That should be Xanga's new slogan, replacing "The Blogging Community".
Clearly, there is no freedom for the much-discussed LITTLE BLOGGERS until the oppressive whip of Dan's blog is completely pwned. Why not just don a Guy Fawkes mask and declare yourself the victorious vindictive vicious vicar of vanquishing the villainous vermin of blogging and vlogging on Xanga's vandalized landscape, by vulupcious Vikings, who verily invested a lot of money in the vortex of the vitamin market via advice from Voldemort, who uses a violin to violate his vagina.
I could totally understand if Dan posted this:
Then I would gasp and then exclaim "KING OF TEH XANGANETS!?" and then go to my little bloggy thing here and write "lyke omg today i wuz readin that thetheolgincafe thinks he king of teh xanga and i was lyke 'oh no he did not just say that' and im still like who does he think he is???" I would then read my post over, decide there are no spelling errors, yell "BRILLIANCE!" and post it, and get five hundred trillion and three comments about people's opinions, because if anything garners attention, it's posting about Dan.
But seriously, Paul. You had to expect this. I'm obviously a mindless peon of Dan's popularity contest, and am only writing this sycophantically to
win at xanga. Therefore, I think your priorities are kind of out of order if you consider fighting the power of The Dan something you need to do in order to... I'm not even sure what. Don't you have anything
better to do?
Finally, do you even have any idea about how many people Dan has helped out because of his Xanga site?
Comments (111)
Kumbaya my Lord.
Theo is technically Jesus, because DAN is truley the God
And she returns to comment on the King of our realm. He deserves to be the first weblogs she writes after a long time in hiding.
people hate dan?
his love for boobies lets me sleep at night.
So glad you're back!
Great that you are back! Very funny post!
I missed you! It's hard to keep the drama-hungry masses of Xanga quelled without you!
I really wish I could click the link under Dan's pic. I imagine it's some video of John and Co. standing around Dan as the crown is placed on his head. Then some lowly thinspo blogger walks over to light his pipe for him.
Glad to see you're a good combination of okay and alive. Radioactive material is bad for your health, unless you're Homer Simpson. Anyone get any super powers out of the whole thing?
And really, anyone who goes out of their way to talk one on one with Dan will realize how great of a guy he is.
Voldemort has a violin? Voldemort has a VAGINA???
Geez, thanks a lot. You've destroyed my childhood memories.
This was awesome..... Is*....
*hands award*
I don't know Dan but briefly... He seems very cool? Underestimating? Overestimating?
Okay... Genuine. He seems genuine.
Oh man. All that alliteration. It was wonderful.
When they try to make you go back to rehab, you should say...
"Liek noz."
And, that's the most entertaining rebuttal I've read all week!
so funny.
I just followed that link and read it for the first time. I don't remember ever hearing of that guy but obviously we must have messaged each other. I think he said something about us making peace. Haha.
It is funny but when you take a break from xanga you sort of realize how silly most of the xanga drama really is. All I did was ask ASM to produce links of when xanga featured "several posts" that were critical of her and mentioned her "real name" and made subtle threats against her. Did anyone find those links? She posted about it mentioning my name and I responded asking her to produce the links. I don't see what the big deal is. I don't have a problem with ASM.
Nori, you're back. With a vengeance. I missed you!
everyone has a problem with OPP!
Dan is just...wow!!
Epic, Nori. Epic
Dan=Brilliance
You are missed when you are away Nori.
Verily.
lol
you are a good writer. very very witty.
and i cant believe there are actually people who xanga and starcraft too!
i really enjoyed this post. it had all the right elements; starcraft, a flaming, Natalie Portman, Hugo Weaving, a doodle.
if i could give you 3 eprops, i would. definitely subbing.