November 30, 2010
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Puke (Very graphic entry)
This entry is going to very graphic and disturbing to most people. I usually am kidding, but not this time. You are about take a very dark journey into my mind. You will question my morals after this.
So okay, this one time, I was like "Whatever", and like, yeah. It was a hot day in June or July, and I saw this guy sitting on a park bench with his golden retriever by his side, and I noticed he was blind. I was licking an ice cream cone. If you are curious, it was vanilla ice cream. I walked up to him in my rainbow Converses and said "Hey, are you blind?" and he was like, "Chyaw." so I was like "Perfect." so I took him to my secret lair, along with two other people whom I had... uh... acquired, and told them my dastardly plan.
"Ladies and gentleman," I began, "I have a vision. A vision for a human centipede. What I am going to do is stitch all of you together, mouth-to-anus, so that you form a train of human beings. Don't ask me why I have this in mind, I didn't really put much thought into it at all."
One of patients raised her hands as I put on the white rubber gloves. "Yes?" I axed. "Uhm, you realize that even though our digestive systems are connected, we each will need separate nutrients, right? I mean, a human can't just live on feces." she said.
So I was like "A minor flaw, but I'll work it out later."
Then they were like "Well, also our urinary tracts wouldn't be connected, so wtf? Plus, we'd have separate blood streams. Also, how would we be able to breathe? This plan makes no sense."
I was really getting frustrated, so I was like "Okay, nevermind." and I just let them all go.
I'm sorry that this was so incredibly disturbing. Do not worry, though, it was fiction. You can calm down now, it wasn't real. I used Hunt's ketchup for the blood, and raw hamburger meat for the guts. I later fed the hamburger meat to the blind man's golden retriever. The dog barked playfully, and we all laughed together as a family around the fireplace.
Then we ate the golden retriever.
jk.
or did we?
no
jk
yeah
bye
Comments (31)
i know you eat cats and not dogs.
I love a happy ending.
o.O wow you've been gone awhile.
where is the puke you promised us?
And nothing of value was lost.
I didn't even watch that film. Just reading about the synopsis on the net and on Wikipedia grossed me out enough. You guys should have made some Lassie burgers, they probably would've been good!
still wating for da puke. D:
Yeah, I saw something about that movie with this premise. It looked really stupid. I'm sure it would have been better if it had just been about eating dogs.
I started puking after the first line, just like that episode of South Park where the boys wrote the most filthy book ever.
this is nom nom nom
actually I question your sanity
Was it Chuck Taylor's Converse, or just the plain ones?
i knew i kept you around for a reason. AND THIS IS IT.
I saw the DVD at Best Buy the other day. The cover was pretty disturbing. I don't think I could watch that film.
100% MEDICALLY ACCURATE! Don't argue with the movie's promo campaign, Nori, it means serious business.
@SoapAndShampoo - 100% MEDICALLY ACCURATE! Absolutely, I can't see any flaws in this masterpiece -- it's the like Mona Lisa of horror movies!
@heckels - @verified_but_still_denied - It's kind of a BYOP deal.
@CaKaLusa - It is!
@Lost_in_thought_43 - Good.
@valis10 - Good.
@TheTheologiansCafe - Good.
@pax_intus - Good.
@TheTheologiansCafe - Good.
@npr32486 - Goo... oh... no, I eat cats too.
Funneeee!
I scanned through it on netflix. it's disturbingly hilarious
this was a hilarious read.. lol.
Me and My boyfriend plan to watch the movie this weekend.
LOL
Hope all is well with you. Except your mind, naturally. We love it the way it is.
I can't wait for the porn parody to come out! SOOOO MUCH ASS TO MOUTH!!!!
@heckels - Yeah, no kidding. I feel so lied to. That hurts.
Wtf?
Haha, so bad.
hmm interesting...
disturbingly graphic! MY EYES.
still hungry, though.
Even you disappeared. lol. Well if you ever visit xanga again, visit me. I'll be sitting around silently to see comments drift into my comment box. See you around.
I miss you Nori.
San Francisco has the highest per capita Asian population of any American city.
Would you like to see it?
Should've used Heinz: 57 times more realistic.
Good job killing Xanga, btw, with your twice-yearly updates. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!
Comments are closed.