April 2, 2011
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I'm Dead
That's right -- I'm dead.
I am writing this from the beyond to tell you that it sucks. You know that Matt Damon movie Thereafter? Probably not. That was the most boring Bourne movie I've ever seen. Well, it gives the impression that the afterlife is really cool, and that there's a mini-bar that serves unlimited refills of root beer.
Since my life is over, I just want to say that it was pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but if I could be remembered for one thing, I guess I'd like people to remember to always keep their breath fresh. The other day, some guy was talking to me, and I didn't hear any words come out of his mouth, just toxic green clouds of garlic and carbon monoxide. Like, I think if he exhaled on a skunk, it would die instantly.
My best memories were: When I learned to tie my shoes using the bunny-ears method, getting my first pet, doing my one and only stand-up comedy show, listening to this song, watching that video of Ironstove drinking that smoothie with sardines in it, eating peanuts, finding religion and then losing it under the couch cushions only to find it again six months later, dying my hair black, almost cutting a fish's head off but then chickening out, flushing the toilet and watching the poopies go down, and of course, BANGING YOUR MOM. SUP!?
Happy April 1st, you little fools. =)
Comments (25)
Poopies.
I've seen Ironstove do other weird things... right before we graduated from high school. haha
YAAAAY!
If only we can all die and still blog. We'd make heaven boring.
Dear Whomeverthehellyouare,
I claim senior privilege. After all, you haven't posted in decades.
Now I know why.
I'm glad to know they have Xanga in the afterlife.
I think the unlimited refills of root beer were in that old Albert Brooks movie "defending your life."
Was hoping I'd remember what I used to call you by now. Oh well.
Was your first pet a rabbit.?
Inquiring minds would like to know.
Still can't get a handle on your handle.
You were somebody else before you drove down the avenue to the real too, if memory serves.
And at my age it doesn't
Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
(still on Xanga after all these years.)
Where the heck have you been?
Let me add you on facebook yo.
errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I am dead too.
YOU ARE DEAD INSIDE
You haven't lived until you've seen toilet water rise dangerously towards you. It's a truly harrowing experience and not one you'll soon forget.
Oh, and you deserved to die if you're gonna do April Fools jokes on April 2nd. God hates that, even more than he hates gays and fun.
YOU LIVE!!!
Awesome. As usual.
So its an April Fool's joke that you're staring to blog again?? SO CRUEL.
always neat...i appreciate validity..
I only feel dead when the alarm goes off in the morning. Actually I often wish I could call in dead, except then they'd know I either wasn't dead, or was a zombie. Considering I sit at my cubicle all day long and utter the same mindless phrases every day; I probably am a zombie. Mmmm...brains.
haaaaaha.
Well Damn, I thought I had got ya fer good. Guess the boys'll have to run yer over twice next time I reckun.
learning the bunny ears method was pretty kickass.
Flawless Victory
Dear Norimoto,
Still dead I see.
Sometimes I miss you. So thot I'd come over here and leave a comment.
Like I do on a lot of those dead Xangans I used to know.
With regard,
Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
Ha ha! Great post!!! Im a little late though.
resurrection avenue
I never quite got the bunny ear method down. Le sigh.
I didn't really care for the movie "HereAfter" that much, but the end scene where damon finally meets his character at an outside cafe was definitely the most beautiful part in the movie!
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